Fan and the occasional reflection (of the state of my head) I'm having
First of all I can't have embed from mobile for today's songs I want to hype on, so I'll link tokiwa's new song instead for now and fix it later https://youtu.be/LAMiuSm-9Oc and NAME.O's first? self-sung song which apparently managed to get on top JP Spotify ranking https://youtu.be/Wae2_oEyTs4?si=ApKm-r6RPXlhdh_B
Just when I decided to work on work this morning, my laptop fan suddenly became way louder than my decades old washing machine and that scared the f out of me. It's partially because I've been putting down the idea to send it and have a professional clean it (instead of me) even though I already inquired for their service fee months ago.
I sent it to that particular repair store this afternoon, and much of this I owe to a friend's huge help as I have literally no means to send it or fix it myself.
However I can't help but think this could've been prevented if I acted right away back then, and I wouldn't have to trouble him as well.
I don't know what is wrong with me. Or maybe I do, I just don't have any push or strong reason to fix myself. The sense of urgency to keep life flowing just isn't something I could generally find in myself, except when it comes to the select few things I actually want to worry about.
Am I just lazy or actually sick in the head? Mentally ill? Low awareness? Irresponsible? Hard to say, could be all of them.
It's nice how society's awareness towards mental health have developed, but now it's also easier than ever to use relevant vocabs as pop lingo (or therapist speech depends on the convo and exact words used, I suppose), and "get some help" is a sentence that's so easy to throw around. "If you don't have diagnosis you can't just easily say you have XYZ" is also a thing.
What might yet to grow is that the understanding that there are people who cannot afford the said "help" easily or even at all, thus they remain stuck being a disgraceful misfit instead of people who are just a bit different, or facing more difficulty in navigating everyday life. It's easy to just tell someone else to "get some help" because 9 out of 10 chance you're not the one who will have to actually help them obtain that said help. It's maybe a bit irresponsible to say, even.